I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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