Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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