I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
