For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize