She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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