I'm gonna have a badass scar
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
