Just fell off a train. Bad.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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