if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
