Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
