I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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