dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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