She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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