loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
