He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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