Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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