I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
