next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
