My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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