i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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