FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
how drunk are you?
Several
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
