is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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