We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
