So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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