i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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