Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found puke in my bra..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
