How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
