We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
