we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
