The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm too high and old for this...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
