1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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