Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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