Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
