it wasn't lemon gatorade
I puked a lego.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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