You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Man, jail baloney is awful.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
