I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
