my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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