she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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