happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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