She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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