8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
