are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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