Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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