On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
