I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
