Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize