Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
