Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dicks are not precious.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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