no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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