Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize