yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
