honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
