I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
