look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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