Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
