yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
