What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
