is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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