I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
