Your face is a jimmy john
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
