My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
