feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
