not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
