He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
