I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
