So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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